The Price

I'm beginning to feel that I'm starting to pay the price for all the sin that I've commited in the past. I don't know how much it'll cost me, only time will tell. I don't know if I'd ever able to pay back enough, only time will tell. I always believe that I'm a lucky bastard since young. Somehow alot of things have gone the way I expected, the way I wanted it to be - not everything, but alot of things. Maybe it's because of my attitude that makes people who are considerate enough to just follow my plans. Maybe that's why. Because I can get really irritated if something doesn't go according to how I've planned, how I wanted it to be. Maybe that's why. Thinking back of all the things - good and bad - that I've done, I'm beginning to believe that I'm a perfectionist - or used to be one. I wanted everything to be perfect. To be according to plan. Nothing can be wrong. Wrongs can be hid, so that nothing can be wrong.

But I was wrong. Very wrong indeed.

Because someone just made me realised that it's really okay to be wrong. It's human nature to make mistakes. I never believed this phrase because, to me, it's just an excuse for human to make mistakes. But I was wrong too. It wasn't an excuse to make mistakes. Human just make mistakes by nature. Some mistakes ARE avoidable, some not. It's the avoidable mistakes that makes people suffer, and hurt the most.

I hope I'm getting my second chance, my real second chance.

For those who still hate me, I assure you that no matter how much you hate me, you doesn't hate me as much as I hate myself.

For that is the price I'm paying now.